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Mrs. Boss..

November 23, 2009

No I am not talking about the boss’s wife. It is literally about my new boss. The new lady on the block, I mean in the office.

You guys know how much I love to write about my office.. so here is one more tale in that series….

My favourite current boss got transferred to other department. As efficient as he was he deserves to get promoted and so when this challenging opportunity came his way he didn’t give a second thought  before saying ‘yes’. And that is how it should be.

Now that he is off limits of my blogging purposes as I’ll just be seeing him maybe once a day or less than that, I won’t be able to get any more interesting tales about him. Though I still have some good ‘Girlfriend tales’ of his in my kitty that I might write about some day, till then lets wave him a big “Bye Bye”

And now here I have a new specimen from my office to introduce to my blogmates..

She is an Ex-employee of our cut throat competitor, so you can guess how valuable she is. And she joined last week to manage this weird bunch. The new one needs all the help from me as I have been here for more than a year and a half.. So I am the new helper who’s working over and above her own job to help the new boss get comfortable.. (hence no time for blogging)

Professionalism and experience oozing out, I feel she will be a good asset to the company. Three days with her and I am already gelling well with her and find her ways of thinking and working very similar to mine. I especially like the way she took over so quickly and is ready for all additional responsibilities too. This is the kind of employee every company looks for.

O.K. it may be a bit too early to praise her so much but she’s a Career Woman and that is quality enough for me to praise her. Managing two fronts…  together.

But wait there is a twist in the tale.. her kids live in India, they are studying there. She’s not that old herself so that makes her kids school goers.

So how do you rate a mother who has left her kids in another country to pursue a career or just plain make money which they say will be used for the kids’ future only.

I know a couple of other moms too like that who have left the kids back in India with the grandparents so that they could work abroad without any hindrance. One of the moms left her 2 year old to study further.

This brings us to the age old debate. Should women just take care of the home and babies and stay put? Or should they explore their own life, their possibilities and find a independent identity for themselves?

Whichever it is but leaving a two year old in a different county, I can’t digest.

I am fine with working moms who come home in the evening to spend quality time with the kids, even if that is not possible the kids always know mom is here whenever needed. They see them daily, eat mom’s food (which has no substitute in the world), play with her, do homework, talk, share, fight.. or whatever they want to do..

But mom is always HERE.

But for some child who’s mom lives in a different country and calls him every second day… I am not sure how insecure the child can get. They may be living with the grandparents but still its not mom and dad. 

The famous excuse that the money earned will help in the child’s studies or needs is not worth enough reason (according to me) to have this long distance parenting.

Not only the child misses you and gets insecure. The parents also feel miserable living like this. Always worried what the child is going through… or missing the company of their bundle of joy….. 

Every parent (must) brings a child into the world have thousands of dreams in their eyes. And I find this way of raising the kids in a separate country just to fulfill the materialistic needs a bit absurd.

There is so much to share between the parents and the children. And especially as the childhood is a temporary phase.. as they grow up they might not even care for the company of the parents when these moms and dads try to re-bond after years of separation.

So..  How good an idea do you think it is..?

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20 Comments leave one →
  1. Swaram permalink
    November 23, 2009 9:51 am

    Nice to know u hv a gr8 lady there and u r getting along well too!

    To each his own, but I wud never never buy the idea of leaving my kid in another place, for my job. Priorities do change @ every point in life and its definitely important for the Mother to be with them, atleast after a 9-5 job. And its not that she can’t make money here anyways. This is just my generic thoughts, no idea what her condition might be :)

    Me too feel like this only.. working mother is ok but living in different country is very difficult on both. i can never imagine myself doing so..

    her conditioning.. not sure but have seen about 3 Indian moms (from different communities) this year who are doing this.. so.. my brain got thinking. is it the new ‘thing to do..’ for career women…

  2. November 23, 2009 11:08 am

    kids need thier parents (both). Period!!

    That is the fact.

  3. November 23, 2009 12:48 pm

    when you are taking a decision to bring a new life in this world..its ur first duty to give him/her everything he deserve…mother’s luv is first thing any child can ask for…there is no substitue for mother’s luv and care…
    Being a career women is no bad thing..after all we also have spent so many yrs in studying and making carrer..but then if you want child taking a brk from job..or doing part time or work at home stuff like me is good option…

    yes i agree.. part time, freelancing or working from home are great solutions but our country is not yet ready for that kind of working culture.
    there are not many options for that too.. and not everybody gets that opportunity.. and not every work can be done from home.. so these just remain as good ideas.

    though i dont know her condition or what let her took such decision of leaving kid back in india..do share with us ..if you got to know..i m just curious to know why ppl take such decision..

    her conditions.. its too soon to know that but i too would like to know more..

  4. November 23, 2009 1:40 pm

    Hmm congrats for the new boss :)
    :-D :-D :-D

    As far as your question is concerned!! I have always hated the families where either of the parent is in other city earning money. My dad had a transferable job & we have lived in God Forsaken places but never had my parents thought of staying separately for our education and I would say we have to done bad.

    my dad too was in a transferable job and exactly in the same way we too packed every 3-4 years to start afresh… but that was fun.. always got to go to new school. got new friends.. new home..
    i would do it al over again any number of times just to live with the family.

    But at the end of the day it is a personal choice & if it comes to me I would never do that! Career is important for me but not at the cost of personal life!

    what use is the career if you are not happy living this way…

  5. November 23, 2009 11:01 pm

    All the best working with the new boss !! Shes going to let all her frustrations on you ! :D :D :D :D :D

    you seem very happy for that… :-D :-D

    Personally, I dont like and I wouldnt recommend parents staying away from their children. Memories of seeing your child grow is something that you would live with for the rest of your life. But then, there are men who work abroad, for example in the gulf, who would be visiting their home only once in three years.Its different for them, they are helpless; they would be the sole bread winners in the entire family and would also have to take care of their siblings too.

    i totally agree.. watching your child grow is the best thing in life and no one wants to miss that… and yes many people have to stay away from the family to support the family financially and i do feel bad for them.. but here i am talking about just the career women who are ready to part with their children just so that they could work (not necessarily for financial constrain). that makes me feel bad…

    Likewise, I wouldnt recommend anyone to stay away from their parents when they get old. The situation is almost the same; never being there for them when they need us the most.

    yes its just the same situation vice versa….. one is not ready to part with the kids but finds it easier to leave the parents alone.

  6. November 24, 2009 3:32 am

    Hi Oorja,

    Just last evening I was going through something on these lines. Right now I am tinkering with thoughts of either career or family (just ruminating..since i already have a brood of three!) Because, to get great results from any task one might take up, be it family or career, needs heavy duty commitment….striking a balance is a stunt very few can perform well, and that too usually done with support from family, mostly grandparents.

    As for leaving kids in another country (or in a boarding school for that matter), well, that’s a different ball game altogether, and people will have myriad reasons for doing what they choose to do. I suppose folks only do what they think is best for themselves…I’d rather leave it at that :)

    Cheers
    Ganga

    i feel every individual has the right to pursue their career and live their life the way they like.. but we can not forget that the new life We brought into the world is totally dependent on us and we are solely responsible for their lives so we must consider them before taking any personal decisions..

    9-5 jobs are still agreeable with the help from the family (grandparents who are more than happy to help)

    i agree leaving the kid in a boarding schools is again the same story, why parents do that..?
    my bro just shifted to a different city for hi PG.. and still he is homesick.. so i wonder what happens to small kids who have to stay away from the parents….

  7. November 24, 2009 10:17 am

    I agree with the adage to each his own. Simply because one doesn’t really know all the facts of the case. Maybe there is something that is compelling the person to leave the children there. Maybe the grandparents are better parents. Although I would never do a thing like that, I always hesitate to actually judge anyone. If one knows the circumstances, its different. For example I know a case amongst my relatives of a woman who was simply a housewife but wanted to enjoy the life abroad without her two year old so she left him behind. She has a better chance of conceiving the next one she said!! Well, I certainly thought this was irresponsible. I wonder why we think that only working moms are irresponsible? I know “housewives” who neglect their kids or are just plain bad mothers. I think overall kids are lucky indeed to be born to two devoted parents. Yes, they need them, as Sakhi said, but the reality is often different. I would wish that people wouldn’t have kids if they are in a situation where they cannot look after them, but if we do not know all the fact we cannot judge.

    yes to each his own..

    working women do it maybe unwillingly.. but if housewives don’t want the responsibility then better she doesn’t bring this new life into the world. totally agree with you on that point….

    and you are right being with the parents doesn’t guarentee good upbringing… still atleast it gives a sense of security…!

    • November 24, 2009 4:19 pm

      “I would wish that people wouldn’t have kids if they are in a situation where they cannot look after them” I second that!

  8. November 24, 2009 4:23 pm

    I also know someone who has left her kid with her parents while she and her husband work in UK. I too think on the same lines as you. But leaving kid to study is quite understandable …for example if someone wants to do some medical fellowship from UK. Also its temporary!

    • November 25, 2009 10:25 am

      I know a lot of people like that, Reema, and I feel so bad for them! But I think where there is a choice, and people consciously exercise that choice, they really must be more considerate towards their children. There is NOTHING more important for a child, than parent’s love.

      • November 26, 2009 7:17 pm

        absolutely… all the kid ever wants is the parent’s love.. they can always survive fine with less materialistic facilities… but parent’s love is a must.

        also people who leave their kids to pursue further studies.. well… that is temporary..

        but then it’ll again depend on the age of the kid.. the one i know has a 2 year old.. and its highly unfair on the kid’s part.

  9. November 24, 2009 4:33 pm

    Maybe. Maybe not.
    Either way, doesn’t affect me.

    really it doesn’t…?

    thanks for dropping by…

  10. Kanagu permalink
    November 24, 2009 9:40 pm

    So you are not in India now… Thats a news :) and glad to know you Have got another good manager…Whatever maybe… A kid needs both
    The parents.. But I dont know why always mom only getting criticized… Is dad’s aren’t responsible for their kids? I believe both are really important in the growth of kid and there must be no compromising on that part..

    I have not been in India since before i started blogging.. didn’t you know.. i thought everyone knew.. :-)

    definitely a kid needs both the parents and i am very happy to hear that from a guy.. u’ll be a great one.. :-D

    here moms are getting criticised because in India though dads live in the same house, many families don’t get the involvement as much as needed and moms are the whole sole responsible person for the kids… so when even they decide to prioretise their life and put kids on the backseat.. they become the targets.

  11. November 25, 2009 1:04 am

    I pity parents and children who are forced to live separately due to inevitable reasons and hard-pressed circumstances. But if one has a choice to avoid this arrangement that would be most ideal for the child and parents. Many parents are under the impression that financial/monetary benefits in the form of materialistic comfort, education in premier schools, etc are more beneficial to the child, than simple parental love and memories of growing and living together as a family. The latter is most precious for a child.

    • November 25, 2009 10:25 am

      Exactly! Parental love and memories of a happy family life are the foundation for any child.

      • November 26, 2009 7:29 pm

        very well said Neeraja… that is exactly what i was trying to say.

  12. November 25, 2009 10:19 am

    Absolutely, Oorja. I cannot digest it either. Is career really that important, that someone stays away from her children? If its a need for money, that is understandable. But if its only a ‘want’ (the career progression, I mean), then surely, the lady’s priorities are very different!!

    if career is that important they should not think about having kids.. atleast till they achieve what they ‘want’..
    if it is the monetary constrain on the family then we can just sympathise with them.

  13. November 28, 2009 12:47 pm

    a point well said and expressed :)

    thanks.. welcome here.. :-)

  14. November 29, 2009 4:48 am

    My stand on this is the same. Kids are not toys.

    Atleast these kids have their grand parents, the mothers/fathers will be totally alone when they are old – that’s for sure.

    Destination Infinity

    right.. atleast the kids get some kind of adult supervision and care.. but the parents are totally on their own…

  15. December 3, 2009 10:19 pm

    oooh! Oorja!! new boss and great to know u get along with her!!! :D

    competent employees are def an asset, to company and to colleagues as well!

    hmmm, about ur question, its complicated! i dunno how to judge, i guess i cannot..

    while a kid does need his / her parent to be around, i can also identify with the individuals need to establish and excel in a career of their choice!

    many dad’s work away too… i guess neither scenario is fair…be it mom or dad, the kid does need them both when growing up! :|

    i think the only solution is to wait to have kids.. i mean, why bring a shild when u cannot be there to see them grow up…
    :D hope u have been well!!! :D

    hugssssssssssss to u!!!

    psst! btw, with the old boss gone…so are the stash of green tea samples? tee hee hee! :P

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